| SATANIC OUTREACH DVD: CALLING ALL FILMMAKERS!
If that film didn't blow your skirt up, I don't know what! Like Sir Alfred Hitchcock, Ryan Taylor is a true producer of gooseflesh! My body is all a-tingle; my nerves convulse in phrensises of afright! The twist in the tail is a true masterstroke – that she should go to hell because her boyfriend went on a murderous rampage. The implication: if she hadn't been a hook-up party whore, her boyfriend would have never taken that gun in his hand. It's like the Bruce Willis thing in The Sixth Sense; the truth is dangled there in front of your face the entire time, but still you totally miss it. Also, it's totally true. This is a great example of religious propaganda, but the complexion of a Satanic outreach film would be much different. First of all, I'm not looking to give anything away on stupid YouTube. Our message is valuable and we deserve to be compensated for it. A slickly-packaged DVD is just the ticket. We will sell it off of our website, after Sunday services, and during any of our outreach programs. It needs to be feature-length. Since I am Satan's prophet, and also an accomplished actor, it needs to star me. The visual effects must be on par with those in Transformers, only way creepier, and the script (which I will of course pen) should be a skillful marriage of The Passion of the Christ, Mission Impossible III, and the first Hostel movie. BIG POINT: While I applaud Ryan Taylor's characterization of Lucifer, he should consider himself lucky that The Dark One does not know how to use the internet. For our film, Satan must actually look like Satan. He does not dress like the boatman of the River Styx. He does not look like some dude dressed in a "Spooky Zombie" costume. Many hours of CGI programming will be required for this, since there is a 0% chance that Satan will be interested in actually performing in a "talking picture." THE PITCH First off: are you Steven Soderbergh? If not, do you have $100,000,000 and bonafide Hollywood directing credits? Well, we're offering you (especially if you are Steven Soderbergh) the opportunity to direct our first Satanic outreach thriller. Here's the deal:
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